Traumatizing Guys
by Attila the Conqueror
Summary: What happens to a guy when they read Roman de la Croix's stories? Read to find out.
1. Cameron

**A/N: **This is a true event about how stupid boys are at my school. Thank you Roman, for inspiring this. Since my friends don't want their names posted, I'll use their online names.

It was a late start at Lakeridge Junior high. That meant that school started at 10:30, and we only had three classes. The lunch bell had just rang, and Vikki, Chimalmaht (Chi for short), etcies, and myself had asked our teacher, Mrs. Beidle, if we could eat lunch in her classroom rather than the cafeteria. Immediately, Cameron and Mauro (two guys who just joined Humanities) followed suit. The girls and I were watching etcies write one of her threatening reviews to Roman de la Croix. We were making jokes, and I was even on the floor laughing at one point. We were all extremely hyper, having been able to sleep in, and we had just received our constitution assignment. Cameron came over to see what we're laughing at. Etcies and I blocked the computer screen.

"Cameron, your too young and innocent to be reading this sort of thing." I exclaimed. Cameron was actually the same age as Chi, Vikki, and myself. Etcies was a year younger than all of us. Cameron tried to pry our hands off the computer screen, with no avail. After about five minutes, Chimalmaht got fed up with our bickering and slapped Cameron. He ran to the other side of the room to eat with Mauro. When etcies finished her threatening review, I looked at the girls.

"Should we let him? He won't leave us alone until he finds out how insane and perverted Roman de la Croix is." I sighed. Chi and etcies looked at each other. Etcies had that evil glint in her eye, and Chimalmaht looked concerned for Cameron's sanity. Cameron, who was eavesdropping, agreed with me.

"Well, I guess." Chi finally said. We immediately started debating about which story to let Cameron read. Etcies wanted him to read "Rummy," but Chi and I both agreed that it would be too much for him to handle. Suddenly, I smiled and started doing my evil laugh that creeped Chimalmaht out.

"Catnip and Other Things." etcies' jaw dropped and she started laughing with me. Chi still looked slightly against it. "Come on Chi, Roman stops this one before it gets too detailed. Unlike 'Rummy.'" Chi agreed.

"That's brilliant Jemi." etcies laughed. Vikki wanted to remain sane, so she refused to read any of Roman's stories, and had no idea what we were talking about. Cameron walked over, glad to finally be able to see what was so funny.

"Ok Cameron. I feel I must warn you. Almost all of Roman's stories either have an insane boy-girl couple, boy-boy couple, girl-girl couple, or two girls roleplaying boy-boy, as is the case in this fanfic." I briefed him. The look he gave me was one of pure idiocy. "Remember, Demeter is paranoid, Rum Tum Tugger is a sexy cat who can have any queen in the junkyard, and Munkustrap is the overprotective second in command. Oh, and one more thing. Roman's not as descriptive as she usually is in this fanfic. It's like having a flower described to you as pretty, rather than being told it's species, color, size, and fragrance."

Cameron hadn't ever wanted to see CATS, but it was all the girls and I ever talked about. We sat him down in front of the computer, and he began to read. I walked over to the window, to keep a lookout if anybody was coming. After a few seconds, I stopped.

"If anybody asks what we're doing, we're severely traumatizing Cameron." I said, although it was hard to understand through my laughter. Even Mauro, who had pretty much remained a silent spectator in all this, laughed too. Cameron's face was so much fun to watch. It was mostly confused, but sometimes he chuckled. When the bell rang about ten minutes later, Cameron stopped about halfway through the story.

"This is stupid. There's too much cussing." he said, with a little bit of anger. Before exiting the story, etcies and and Chi read a few lines from where he had left off as students drifted into the classroom. He had left off somewhere between when Tugger had added "kill Chostrawn" to his list of priorities, and where he sent a dazed Chostrawn to find Alonzo. Cameron hadn't even got to the good part.

"Uh, Cameron, do you even know what they were doing?" Chi asked.

"Yeah, they were cussing." he answered.

"He doesn't understand what 'F Deme senseless' means." Chimalmaht laughed once Cameron had gotten out of earshot.

"Or when Tugger ground his hips upward." etcies added.

After a few more minutes, Mrs. Beidle kicked us off her computer. Class resumed, and life was once again boring.

**A/N:** Yeah, Cameron was that stupid. Boys are seriously that stupid in my school. Are all boys this stupid? This was funnier in actual life, but like I said before, I have the memory span of a small rodent.


	2. Murry

**A/N:** Oh, you thought that Cameron was the only person me and my insane friends severely scarred for life. No, there was another, and he was actually smart enough to be traumatized. MWAHAHAHA!!! I'll post each one of the traumatic experiences as they come, and this actually occurred a few weeks before The Cameron Incident. Roman, you may remember the reviews from etcies that had Murry in them. Well, once again I will try to keep my friend's identities anonymous. Unfortunately, this was a very short occurrence.

In the humanities room, me, etcies, Vikki, and Chimalmaht had quite a bit of spare time on our hands. etcies was writing her infamous threatening reviews to Roman de la Croix, again. All of a sudden, Murry stalked over, planning on being perverted, as usual. He has absolutely no problem with sneaking up on people (usually people that hate him) and trapping them in a bear hug so tight that there was no means of escape. I was the only safe one, seeing as how I was his ex-girlfriend, and he avoided me. But the bear hugs were the least of a student's, or teacher's, worries. He had never seen CATS, but everyday it seems like he does the Rum Tum Tugger dance. Minus adoring, screaming kittens of course.

Seeing as how Murry was already perverted, we let him watch etcies write her review. Then he asked if he could read what etcies was reviewing. Laughing, my friends and I agreed to let him read "Rummy," another one of the infamous works written by Roman de la Croix. Oh the expressions. At first, boredom and confusion (he had never seen CATS). Then, as he got to the first bits of cussing and Munkustrap's misinterpretation of Tugger's feelings, his face turned to interest, and his head started to bob up and down. Moments later, his face turned to utter shock and horror as he reached the part with Tugger and Jemima. His jaw fell to the floor, and his eyes were so wide they actually did look like they would pop out of his head. I don't even think he was breathing. He stopped somewhere where Tugger's saying Jemima's name and where he's telling himself that he feels and looks like shit.

Then he ran off, saying "I need some time to myself." A few minutes later, he was found curled into a small ball, rocking back and forth. Poor, poor perverted Murry. He's so used to the happy three year old stories they make us read in Jr. High. Chimalmaht, etcies, and I started laughing.

"That was great." Chimalmaht laughed.

"Did you see his face? Such a Kodak moment. I never have a camera on me when I need one." I added. We got some strange looks from the rest of the class. We're usually the quiet, calm, teacher's pet sort of students.

Now, whenever me, Chimalmaht, and etcies are online, he comes over and freaks Chimalmaht out (although that's usually my job), and then does a happy jig. Yes, a jig.

"Hey, are you guys reading more of that porno your friend writes?" Is what he almost always says.

The now scarred for life Murry was one of the few boys in our school uh..._ mature_ enough to understand what was actually going on. And, now that he's over the initial shock, he wants to read more of Roman's stories. We should let him read "Fallen Accidently on Purpose," it would be so much fun.

Moral of these stories: DON'T let a boy read anything written by Roman de la Croix. They'll either end up scarred for life, or will be too stupid to understand. Although, we should let Cameron read "Rummy." That one's so obvious that I think even he would get what was going on. Ahh, the joys of corrupting young, innocent minds. Just like Roman did to us.


End file.
